October 2005

Made In Singapore – The Big Hidden Picture

“Meet the ugly Singapore customer, they whine, they scowl, they bully” – A Sunday Times headline on Sept 25, 05 tells us. It was, no doubt, a response to the authorities’ call for an improvement of the service industry on our shores, as customer service has been found to be pathetic. As no typical Singaporean will dare point this out, allow me the pleasure. Hallo, any thinking person knows that that really refers to Singaporeans as a people. Aren’t all Singaporeans also customers at one time or other? There was a time when I, living in districts 9 & 10, thought that Singaporean cab drivers are the worst lot of people on this island until I moved to the heartland and realized that it’s not cab drivers per se, but Singaporeans in general. Now, I know better than to just blame cab drivers.

As for Singaporeans being scowling bullies… Don’t we, in our hearts, know why! (Otherwise, see end paragraph.)

So, if it’s really Singaporeans in general who are culprits, how do we work this poor service problem out? Easy, just blame it on the one sector of the population in question and point the finger backwards. How so?

“Whine culture becoming a real pain” – went the headline of an editorial essay, in the Sunday Times that same September day, written by Catherine Lim Suat Hong. The essay highlights certain problems faced by disgruntled HDB home-owners who have to change their window rivets from aluminum to steel by the Sept 30 deadline. One complainant stated that “he used an ‘approved’ contractor and yet the contractor did not advise him appropriately”. Ms Lim’s response to that: “Hello. Has he heard of ‘caveat emptor’ – ‘buyers beware’? You are responsible for what you purchase. ‘Approved’ means accredited and that the HDB can act should there be any fault on the part of the contractor. But using the services of an accredited contractor does not mean the home-owner abdicates all responsibilities. It certainly does not mean that you stop thinking.

“It is this kind of whining that earns Singapore the reputation for needing nanny governance,” she concluded. See how shrewdly the table is turned and how amazingly the double standard works. If an accredited contractor were found to be guilty of sloppy work for the government, what do you think will happen, darling? That’s a different story, yah? As for “needing nanny governance”….

We’ve been thumbed down with paternalistic rule for over 30 years, and Ms. Lim expects an instant turnaround in perception just because her Master realizes now that He’s not that great an expert in solving ALL problems so, He has to abdicate from the paternal throne. Whine culture may be becoming a real pain, but having a Tan Sai Siong no.2 is a greater pain (otherwise, why make scant of the no.1 herself in the nation building press these days?)

In the Today paper on Aug 24: "While stressing the importance of journalists separating opinion from fact, (our) President Nathan said that the media has a role to play in uncovering failings in the system: 'If there are skeletons in the cupboard, do not hesitate to bring them out.' " Yes sir, I hear you, but please don’t forget my plea for clemency if needed for heeding your advice, hor! It’s how I do it - I hear you say.  Ahh, but of course!

The 210-page morning paper on Saturday Aug 27 had a feature with the headline ‘Mastering the art of service’. The art of service? One should think that humility and grace are prerequisites. Applied to Singapore… Oh sure, we’ve got them, as long we can see the moolah flashing away at the end of the tunnel as we get half-way decent with humility and grace in trying to catch that pot of gold. Think First World. Accent on think, as in keep on thinking and dreaming, baby. As usual, Big Brother is NOT responsible if you ain’t mastered the art. Until you think about why He’s asking you to think it now. But who dares think that?

A while back, it was a time of “intense nation-building”, it was “all reflex and little or no reflection” – is how Richard Lim, ex-editor of ST Life!, trenchantly put it, in a page-long appraisal of the Singapore film Perth: The Geylang Massacre made by Djinn Ong. Nothing wrong with nation-building except that as with everything, it is how you do it (wink-wink to Mr. President!) In our case, it was -- quick-time, instant results, no mistakes, total compliance, zero tolerance for anything not within scope, ‘death’ of the humanities… So now, you get a new Jack Neo movie like One More Chance funded by the Yellow Ribbon Project to help foster the rehabilitation of ex-convicts in society. The caption for Neo’s movie goes: “The judge sentenced me to 10 years in prison but society sentenced me for LIFE.” Society? How candidly the finger gets pointed back at you, you the people of this STRICTLY REGIMENTED, PATERNALISTIC society. C’mon, cue the Phua Chu Kang ‘Sars-vivor Rap’, folks, and sing “use your brain!” to understand how this society came to be what it is. You want it clearer? And in show-biz/box-office talk, no less?

8 Days magazine ran its own ‘Power List’ of celebs (issue # 777). Granted it’s a Mediacorp magazine, the eight celebs named, with the exception of singer Stephanie Sun, are all TV stars under contract to Big Brother’s entertainment arm. That’s the nature of our scene. Faultlessly controlled for its own win-win benefit. So grace and humility? Well, only if the Sing dollar is intrinsically related, dear. We’re on retarded reflex, if you will. As for singer Sun being on that list, let’s not forget she sings We Will Get There and for National Day celebrations. Think pawn stars magic. Why d’ya think national charity shows on TV are sooo important? Work the fever, mate. The pawn stars fever. How not to play up such a powerful motivational tool to work the masses?

Here’s a tip for your next agenda, Bro! The other day, I turned to a fellow musician and said – I know a great way to get noticed and sell records. None of the so-called progressive beat-science musicians here have bothered to sample a song like Stand Up For Singapore and turn it into respectable nu-beat, maybe you should try, I suggested to my friend. His reply – I’d rather remain in obscurity. So, work it, Bro! After all, as dear Koh Buck Song said – Singapore can always have her cake and eat it too! Yeah, win-win maximus.

On that point…., ST on Aug 27 ran an article on Korean film-maker Park Chan Wook, director of the Cannes-winning film about revenge - Old Boy. He was quoted saying that “revenge in real life only causes more pain and sin”. How true. Except that in our nation-building context, revenge or retribution can always go by another name – slander, defamation, inflammatory… Chee-whiz, huh? It takes a Singaporean to understand these things. After all, we are uniquely Singapore, as we shamelessly have our cake and eat it too (thanks, Song for singing!).

The Straits Times has recently been raving about a certain local film that’s been doing the rounds at international film festivals. Seriously, I’ve watched it and, to me, it’s the work of the soul-less trying to be soulful. Very poignantly Singapore then, and in that sense it’s a great Singapore film after all! I oso dare not name the film here for backside-covering reasons insiders would surely understand.

For all the critical flak the local box-office sensation The Maid got, director Kelvin Tong knows a thing or two about veiled truths. In the wah -lau Sunday Times special - The E-Mail Interview  (Aug 14), he was asked “Why do you reckon so many Singaporeans take such perverse pleasure in scolding, scalding and scarring maids?” His reply – “Upholding the age-old agrarian tradition of branding the live-stock probably. Singaporeans have very few outlets to express their creativity, so perhaps some of them resort to a few well-placed cigarette-butt burns to make themselves feel better after a long, hard day at the office.

“I do not know for sure, but mutilating maids is one of the more unusual characteristics of our otherwise-colorless tribe. At least it gives us something to brag about when we are waiting to board a plane along with a bunch of neo-Nazis, Tutsis and Kompassus death-squad commandos.”

A little like the attack of the SM space encroachers, then? You gotta hand it to the truly gasp-worthy Tong for his colorful and ‘subtle’ use of imagery there. – X’Ho