January 2005

Strategize Us Blind

“Don’t gripe. Singaporeans have reason to be thankful” – went a strategically placed top letter printed in the Straits Times’ Forum page on Dec 17 ‘04. The letter-writer – a Mdm. Wong Ling Fong – said, “Singaporeans have these: good food, a roof over their head and peace in the country. What more can we ask for?” I agree, that is soooo much in return for a mere sacrifice of personal freedom and dignity, not to mention the human soul! How can we, a nation of debris, not be grateful? I shall try my level best not to feel embarrassed the next time I’m on board a plane and a Singaporean opens his or her mouth to speak. (In heartland, the din serves as a natural blockade!) To my siow friend – keep your fly-swatter meant for speaking Singaporeans, we should be proud of our countrymen, legard-less! (And we’re not referring simply to semantics and spelling.)

“HIV testing begins for pregnant women” (ST, Dec 16 ‘04). The very next day, the headline was – “Most women accept HIV test”. What could be more predictable (a strategy) than that? Did you seriously think there’d be no follow-up of an approval for any policy or ruling put into effect? Here’s a telling sign of our national kiasu-ness: A new Singtel mobile ad says – “Be first to 3 G”! As the Chinese saying goes: We are surely a product of our master’s persona.

Top banner blurb in The Sunday Times on Dec 5 ‘04: “Opposition politician Harbans Singh dies”, declared with a photograph of the deceased, no less. My siow friend’s cheap joke of the day goes: A good opposition politician in Singapore is, of course, a dead one! Sorry to get this obvious, I’m simply repeating, y’know, a national strategy. Let’s get obvious… shamelessly!

A certain Dr. Thio Su Mien wrote to ST’s Forum saying, “The decision of the police not to give a licence for the Christmas ‘gay party’ planned by Fridae.com, as this undermines the public interest, is to be strongly commended.” (Dec 17, ’04). (My siow friend wants to know her already!) Well then, can we commend the police for granting licenses to local gay saunas with thriving no-towel and rampant free-sex as being done for public interest as well? Eh… nobody complained? Dr. Thio, are you there? In your own words- “public health”, leh! I, too, am waiting to congratulate the police’s “vigilance… in protecting the health of our nation and our social well-being” just as Dr. Thio thinks that the police’s objection to the Snowball 04 party “warrants the nation’s gratitude and thanks”. Maybe Dr. Thio only goes where nation-hood treads… .
I hear you retort – everything is up to me to say only what (- nothing like some good ole national-identity Singlish-speak!). Well, exactly lor. If only foreigners know what it all means… . Sorry to jump the gun here: Wait ‘til you hear about toilet-training as being done in the name of nation-building and public health! Frankly, when it comes to such driving agendas, I can’t wait. Neither can my siow friend.

One December day, that siow friend text’d me on the mobile the following message:
“Freedom is when you have nothing to fear – neither God, the Devil, nor Lee Kuan Yew; neither death nor loneliness – Catherine Lim declared in the papers”.
Y’ see, Ms. Lim is the Singapore writer who was publicly censured by the Gov. some time back during our island’s dark ages for making a disparaging remark about our high-&-mighty system. Today – yes, the so-called ‘rival’ newspaper – had her on the front-page on Nov 19 ‘04 with the headline “The litmus test of a more open society”. Funny how I’m never ever flaunted as a litmus. Well, that’s because I’ll know if I’m being used as a pawn in some open-society agenda to never allow it (if I do one of these fine dandy days, you, my alert reader, will know that I’ve been held for ‘ransom’). Anyway, I do have to credit Ms. Lim for publicly acknowledging the power of our revered Minister Mentor as one next to God and the Devil. What literary skill! Balls are just for show now.

What sad news Saturday Dec 18 ‘04 brought. “Booming Macau set to be world’s casino capital…with takings of US$3.7 billion last year (it was just US$1 billion in 1999)”. And we’re still on a to-have-or-not-to-have debate. Told you we gotta practise unique democracy for the System to work better! But then, just this once, it may be good to keep throwing the argument around to look after our transparent-&-democratic agenda.

Also in that same day’s Straits Times, “Bhutan becomes first country to ban tobacco sales”. That’s another first we’ve lost out on. See how kind our Big Brother is to not resort to such a ban. Tact, my darling, tact!

Here’s comforting news to my brothers up north in Thailand who fear that their wonderful country of smiles is increasingly becoming more like our land of a thousand frowns and scowls. Top Of The News in The Sunday Times on Dec19 ‘04: “Rebels trained in Malaysia, says the Thai PM”. You see, our Big Brother here would never say something like that about anyone, much less about a neighbor! Having good PR-skills and being diplomatic is the key, and appearance is everything!

The very same day’s Lifestyle section of the papers fully substantiates my point. The cover story (‘Empire Of The Son’) is on the boss of Hong Leong – touted as “Singapore’s richest man”. Of course, all thinking Singaporeans who read that would have smirked in response, asking: Really? Even richer than you-know-who? Cannot be, right? But can you imagine if true wealth were made public?

Like I said, appearance is everything. That includes no corruption, darling! - X’ Ho