August 2008

Uptight - Nah, Upbeat - YA-YA, YA-YA!

“Five years (is) all it takes to ruin Singapore. I know how we got here and I know how we can unscramble it, “ our Minister Mentor was quoted in The Straits Times on Jun 26, 08. “A freak election result is all it will take to wipe out Singapore’s success in building up a city-state. This could happen if voters became bored and decided to give the 'vociferous opposition' a chance - out of 'light-heartedness, fickleness or sheer madness',” he added.

Now, we wouldn’t want that to happen to all that amazing unique success, would we? Therefore, hear me say loud-loud – immortality to the man for we trust no one could ever fulfill his greatness. Absolutely no one. Especially given the wise words of Scottish political economist Adam Smith in 1776: “Profit is always highest in the countries which are going fastest to ruin.” Now, I stand proud as a keeper of the Singapore faith! Happy national day! And if you vote opposition it can only be out of “light-heartedness, fickleness, sheer madness or boredom”.

Am all the more proud to know that my words are closely monitored. On July 6, Channel News Asia reported that Foreign Minister George Yeo, on the subject of harmony, said: “Trust is everything.” You could call it mere coincidence but my short film, which was in competition at this year’s International Film Festival – Rotterdam, asks the question: “Trust? In Singapore?” I feel so honored for being heard and embraced.

A two-page review of its own Straits Times Life! Theatre Awards earlier this year on Mar 26 looked like an exercise in both artistic recognition and fashion frivolity. However, it ended with its ‘transparent’ motive of an important purpose. Maverick-poster-boy/film-maker Royston Tan, as a reveler, was quoted: “We can make jokes and laugh at ourselves. No one’s uptight!”

Now, that’s a cause for celebration! It shows that no one remotely intelligent would care to comment on the ‘hidden’ nature of such an event as one for Big Brother to appear open and free. How can they? You think I’m cantankerous? You think the rest of the theatre practitioners don’t know what’s going on? Like Royston, they’re just playing along, since there’s hardly any choice left. But don’t ask for official statements from them cos they know what’s best for the career. And lord knows, Royston’s really milking it for what it’s worth. Why be a victim when you can be a poster boy with lucrative returns? Well, something’s gotta give. Except for Big Brother, of course. And that’s precisely my beef. Big Brother only scores win-win, and at our expense! (Apathy and frustration, for one, dude.)

Actually, aren’t other nations dumb? Isn’t it obvious why there’s no dissent in Singapore? Ah, we’ve got our Chee Soon Juan and the publicized arrests of quiet protesters to provide the smoke screen! See, win-win everything! Actually, not every nation is dumb. Look! “New York lawmakers block proposed road pricing levy” (ST, Apr 9). “The plan was modeled largely on similar schemes in cities such as Singapore, London and Stockholm.” So, there’s some Fifth Amendment left in this world to shut up plans made ‘for the general good’! I think that’s where the NY traffic-control plan failed. It modeled itself not purely on Singapore (but London and Stockholm as well), If only it did, since Singapore is pure success through and through. Sayang!

Only in Singapore, I stress, could the press ask why Singaporeans are complacent and apathetic and not get told off with the real reason. Elsewhere, in normally freer societies, we would be instigated by such a report to ask, in return, the pertinent question – why do you suppose Singaporeans don’t bother to voice their complaint? For one reason, we know we’ll never hear the pertinent answers, save for those that’ll keep the nation looking ‘upbeat’. Just shut us up with a reined-in press but still ask – why so sullen? That’s truly ‘Uniquely Singapore’.

“Create a ‘Gold Coast’ at East Coast Park (in Singapore)” – someone suggested in a letter to the ST that same April day; like, eh, Singapore’s murky green waters at the East Coast Park don’t mean nothin’ when it comes to the concept of a beach paradise! Never mind that it’s also finally revealed on Jul 31 in the ST that “the stretch of sea at Pasir Ris is unsafe for swimming because high levels of bacteria normally present in the faeces of warm-blooded animals have been found in the water”. Ah, now you see. As long as we think good thoughts about Singapore, even fallacies and delusions are virtues. How more delightful can patriotism get? Bring on the inflation for all Singapore cares, we are always upbeat, according to the press. Now, even super-powers like America and Red China can’t be assured of such well-commanded publicity!

Just when you thought I’m over-playing the Government’s electoral win of 66.6% votes at the last General Election (check out my new spoken-word CD Baphomet Sacrum), the latest inflation figure (noted to be at a 25-year, all-time high) in time for this National Day is 6.6%. For so uniquely a paradise, that’s what I’d call an upbeat echo from the cosmos! - X’ Ho