March 2007
Who Says Singapore Ain’t First World?
One obvious fact gleaned from headlines of our national daily The Straits Times is that we are very defensive a nation. How so? There is a constant appearance of the headline that asks: “Who says ….?” On Nov 27, 06, the headline of a story on a Taiwanese singer went: “Who says I’ve no money?” Just the day before, an interview with a local artist carried the headline: “Who says all artists starve?” Lest you think I’m exaggerating, the following day (Nov 28), a blurb for a ST Life! feature on Perth asked: “Who says there’s nothing much to do in this Western Australian city?”
What does this defensive mentality and national catch-phrase say of Singapore? One, we’re mighty insecure. Two, we feel we’re constantly being judged. Three, there are a lot of accusations flying, despite our ‘transparent system’. And four, there’s nothing like a simple refutation to try and make Singaporeans think for themselves, FOR ONCE! But don’t worry, you can be sure that after this essay of mine here, the ‘happy hostage’ editors of the daily will be more discreet with their “Who says…?” retorts and headlines. And I’m pointing this out also to prove that they do secretly read me. Secretly, because X’Ho-Files has never been openly acknowledged. (For circumstantial evidence, the draft of this essay was written on the computer on Nov 27, 06. Did you notice lesser ‘Who says…?’ after that? How could you anyway? Who says I’ve got evidence that they hack into my computer? Now, you get the picture!)
Did you know that after the electro-punk rocker Peaches performed in Zouk, Jill Alphonso’s review of the show prompted the licensing department to issue a warning to the clubbing venue? Alphonso mentioned that Peaches went offstage to dance with the audience and got two members of the audience to dance with her on the podium. And THAT, my friend, is a no-no in Singapore STILL. So, who says we’re all that hip-&-swinging? Actually, we damn right are hip-&-swinging as long as the authorities have a hand in it. Who says the government is a control freak? I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Be it skateboarding, club-raves, foam parties, bar-top dancing, gay saunas or blogging, everything is permissible as long as it is co-opted by the authorities. Stomp me, who says I’m imagining things?
Who says Singaporeans are uncivilized? Some time in December, someone wrote in to the ST having witnessed a discourteous act by a young woman who refused to give up her seat for an elderly on the train. According to the report, the culprit even turned to the indignant observer and said: “I don’t give a shit what you think?” One night when I was on a bus, I witnessed something similar. A young Ah Lian with bleached blonde hair sitting in front of me refused to budge for a guy who wanted to move into the empty seat next to her, even after he nudged her to give way. She just wouldn’t. So who says we’re NOT First World?
On another night, a truck plowed into a motorbike parked right downstairs of my block, knocking down the next parked bike as well. Instead of getting out of his truck to atone for the rash act, the driver kept reversing and swerving to try to unhitch the motorbike that got tangled with the truck’s fender. After he’d succeeded, he drove off, leaving the two motorbikes lying face down. So, “From third world to first”? LOL. Now, repeat my personal mantra after me: Don’t get vexed, preserve the ugliness for the sake of our nation-building self-denial for economic peace. Ugly? Where got? ‘Legalized’ white-wash can be the eighth wonder of the world, if only you know how to turn the other cheek and know what’s good for you! Besides, I’m sure there are other countries that behave a lot worse! Who says we’re uniquely ugly?
After Dana Lam’s outrageous book Days Of Being Wild (the first book published about the General Elections in Singapore with more of an opposition-party angle), you can imagine why the ST went into a flurry of viewpoints to ‘counteract’ a somewhat glowing review of the book on Dec 22, 07. The following day, there was a huge feature headlined ‘The Seven Highly Unusual Traits Of Singapore Politics’ and another by a London-based columnist (written especially for the ST) headlined ‘When A Taste Of Democracy Leads To Empty Stomachs’ to get Singaporeans to re-think (again) the redundancy of Western democracy. My proposal is this, let those ‘First World’ democratic countries adopt our unique democracy (since it’s so wonderful and world-class) and see what’ll rumble other than stomachs! But hush…. I think those ‘First World’ countries already know all too well, the real prerequisites of our unique democracy. Small and new country with absolute power granted to a trusted first leader… etc. Emphasize small, no less.
Brazil banned the viewing of YouTube to protect one of her supermodels’ sexy video from being circulated. Not long after, however, the Brazilian overturned the decision (ST Jan 11). From that, the simple me has deduced one thing, the rest of the world can be quite stupid. If one of our Singapore TV celebrities has a video being uploaded for viewing on the Net, we all know what will happen. The law will prosecute whoever uploaded it in the first place. If there are 100 people uploading it, we will prosecute the 100. Case solved and settled. How come other countries dunno how to do that, hah? And who says we can’t track down and nab those 100, especially if they’re Singaporeans?
So, who says the happy-hostage press here don’t give a shit about what I say? Who says their reaction has nothing to do with bread-&-butter issues? Who says a Govt.-controlled press isn’t justified, especially when we have gone from third world to first?
Mute your laugh, this is the one-&-only, envy-of-the-world Singapore! - X’ Ho
