May 2006

P For Pea-Brain & Primed Perception

Horror of horrors! Two Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) students video’d themselves having sex and the footage was circulated without the couple’s knowledge! But… but… the bigger horror of it all – more than dodo Singaporeans care to think about – is the fact that the young female in the tryst was willingly performing oral sex on her partner, AND THEY’RE NOT EVEN MARRIED (for the oral-sex act to be deemed ‘legal’)!! So, you say the law is arbitrary or not? No lah, of course not arbitrary mah. Simply because in this case, the ‘offender’ is a victim (being scandalized by her own footage that escaped her safekeeping). Awww. So cham hor. Nothing to do with the fact that she’s of the young generation demographics of future-leaders-upheld-by-our-desperate-system, I suppose. You know I know, lor.

     Big feature news in The New Paper on Mar 26, 06: “My horror honeymoon – ‘I gave him my body, he took my dignity,’ Viet bride in matchmaking scam returns to Singapore to tell (all).” Aiyah, Viet bride, first of all, you must understand that Singaporeans know precious little about dignity, so how can you blame someone for desecrating something he knows little of? Besides, I can rightfully assume that the scam that arose only happened because the matchmaking came not from a Singapore-deemed legal source. And if it did, I would jump the gun to defend that this time, it must have been an ‘honest mistake’ of some overlooked slip. Now then, what’s your gripe, Ms. Viet-bride…?

     With regards to social problems of such bride-buying arrangements… Of course, we anticipate them. When they hit enough as a sizeable problem for us to do something, we will, by then, have accomplished our goal of getting our Ah Beng bachelors to marry. When that time comes, we’ll self-righteously ban such arrangements, lor. But until then, let’s just say we’ll cross the bride (sic) when we get to it! (That maxim has worked these 30 years in Singapore!)

      “You must dream on and re-invent to keep your shit hole busy to let the economy grow. To them, the shit was a gift from heaven.” Satirical words of sanctifying proportions from the Tamil playwright Elangovan found in his newest controversial play P (Tamil slang for shit), staged at the Substation from Mar 23 – 25 not without obstacles from the local censors, of course. So how can we not rejoice or feel proud? You wouldn’t if you’re a literary monger (who always believe in moving on to achieve higher artistic goals, hence flogging the same Singaporean woes is but stagnation, they’d claim) or a member of the national press who doesn’t dare violate your own vocational code of sworn ethics. Hong Xinyi’s review of P in the ST (Mar 25) states that “P wears its bitter angry heart so self-indulgently on its rebellious sleeve that its vitriol becomes not only belabored, but also boring.” If done otherwise, she adds, it might have been “quite interesting to stomach”.

     Of course, Hong is entitled to her opinion, but as a member of Elangovan’s appreciative audience, let me say that P is not written for ‘obedient’ civil servants like her. Imagine Elangovan writing something less indulgent so it will be “quite interesting” for folks like her to stomach… Eat my P! (From that, I hope you can plainly see the point of, say, Pasolini’s Salo!) So, P was indulgent and belabored? Imagine my critique of the local system as one so self-indulgently and self-righteously sanctimonious that its regimentation becomes not only belabored (all you ever get is their last say!) but also numbing! But who gives a tush?

     Hong thinks P was given to “long bouts of rambling ranting”. Methinks the system is given to such bouts too – just substitute ‘rambling ranting’ with numbing self-justifications. Ranting, for those who know, is completely justified in Singapore (I’m tempted to say just cos She is Uniquely Singapore). Ranting is simply the nemesis of no-choice eating P. (Pasolini’s Salo was set in Mussolini’s Italy, no less!!)

     To be fair, despite the bad review, ST had plugs of the play everyday during its three-day run. Yes, that is the paradoxical climate of Singapore these days, they want you to… but not too much either! Don’t we know, don’t we know! Thinking out of the box has become a national necessity (for a P-brain nation, it’s only a matter of time before gray matter goes with the passing of the generation in power). Where else in the world, would you find a government telling its people to “use your brain” (as a national campaign) and not have its people feel insulted? (Remember the Sars-vivor Rap by Gurmit Singh?)

     Gasp, gasp, gasp.Wah-lau, wah-lan, wah-piang! Our Minister Mentor (MM) Lee fielded questions from post-1965-vers for a TV forum Why My Vote Matters to pre-empt the forthcoming General Elections. A New Paper journalist Kor Kian Beng suggested that if Mr. Lee would retire, it would put an end to the popular perception that he’s “pulling the strings” (ST, Apr 13). At which our leader shot back: “Would you like me to step out of politics?” Kor replied: “No, I’m just conveying the message.” Lee: “No, I’m asking you – would you like me to step out of politics?” Kor: “Why not stay as an MP and not as the MM?” Lee: “There are things which I can do as a minister in government which I believe no other person can do. It’s as simple as that.” You can almost heave a sigh of relief for Kor. Almost, but really, there’s no need to.

     The point of the ‘forum’, if you ask me, is to show that, now, the lay Singaporean can question the government (now that permission is granted!). But ask anyone from the older generation if he or she would dare ask the Mentor to step down and the answer can only be – you want to die, izit? When someone in that TV forum pointed out that the PAP is perceived as arrogant, Lee jovially asked: “If I’m arrogant, would I be here talking to you?” Oooh, wonder why he replied with the subjective I instead of saying ‘we’? Just wonderin’..

     So, what did I do when I read about the ‘forum’? I jumped up and down heartily applauding that it was a damn good show! Show of ‘open-ness’ towards regimented questioning. Got the message that the government is trying to tell you, dodo Singaporeans? Or do we have to hold forum no.2 to make you see? Please don’t suggest asking the above 50 to participate, okay? That wouldn’t quite fit our agenda of encouraging the young to speak up and participate in politics. And that we know is of utmost importance now.

     MM Lee: “Politics has got to do with your life, your job, your home, your Medicare, your children’s future. Suppose it goes wrong…” (ST, Apr 13, 06). We wouldn’t want that, do we? Especially when our Master defines all the right kind of wrong for us. On that point about politics, there was a time when BigO, the rock publication which also went online, was accused of being ‘political’ when some say it should just concern itself with music. So, how do we account for its temporary demise on the Internet when one should be more involved in politics? (BigO has now returned without any social commentary these days.) Oh, I see… it’s got to be the kind of ‘politics’ decreed by our Master of our universe! But of course!

Regimented is as regimented does, then. Not that the mouthless people don’t know or care to bother with. Please wait for authorized anointing of mouth to open for TV, yah? -- X’ Ho